April 2009
1 post
The story of Dan Dan the Business Man in sequence
The full story of Dan up to this point.
Dan Dan Intro at his Office
Dan goes to the Bar
Dan buys a dog from an unexpected source
Dan give the dog a name
Dan struggles with a midlife crisis at 28
Dan goes on a blind date part 1
Dan goes on a blind date part 2
Dan writes a poem
Dan tells the story of Whistling Pete part 1
Dan tells the story of Whistling Pete part 2
Dan’s thoughts...
March 2009
9 posts
Dan writes a poem
Paranoia wears a suit of crimson.
He walks down the hallway of my brain,
Shoes of steal clicking against my skull.
He takes pictures of my past, present, and future;
Warps them with shadows, all nothingness in the end
But somethingness for the time being.
I tried paying off Paranoia with peace but
He wanted compassion and love as well, but
I don’t negotiate with terrorists of the...
Dan struggles with a midlife crisis at 28
I noticed that I had to move my belt out one notch today. I noticed, too, the bill for Gold’s Gym that lie screaming on my kitchen table. I noticed in my pantry I have more snickers than necessary to crave temporary hunger. Tomorrow’s my 28th birthday and I am already going through a midlife crisis…Shit!
I haven’t achieved a house with 2 kids and a wife and a white picket...
Dan gives the dog a name
I decided to name the dog Plutoed. You may think: did you mean Pluto? I most certainly did not. As many of you know, in 2007, the planet Pluto got demoted from Planet status, sent to the realm of Planetoids. In the same year, the word Plutoed got coined, meaning to be demoted. I thought this to be a fitting name for a dog who once belonged to rich family and had fallen into the hands of a homeless...
Some days you wonder why the wind blows and the skies cry? but not me, I know it all has its reasons for presenting disorder and creating motion.
I met a guy today with the last name O. How sweet is that, his last name was a letter.
March 6th marks my 22nd Birthday.
Dan goes on a blind date Part 2
Dan goes on a blind date Part 1
“Hello, Britney?” The words travel through the rain, muddling their volume. “Britney. I’m Dave’s…erm..Friend, Dan.” Her body moves like a jaguar beneath her clothes. The black dress moving in sync with each of her body’s movements. “Nice to meet you Dan. This weather is absolutely awful. I hate the rain.”...
Dan's thoughts on his way to work. March 17, 2009
Should I have drank that Baileys with my coffee this morning? Should I have followed that up with three Guinness and a pint of Beamish?
I really shouldn’t have had that corned beef for breakfast with the cabbage. I hope I don’t rip ass in that meeting later with my client for Kellogs.
Did that girl look at me? I looked at her. No, she didn’t look at me. Maybe her friend looked...
February 2009
23 posts
Questioning the Restroom
Why do they call it a Restroom?? I never rest when I am in the lou. Heck if anything it should be called the workroom. Showering, brushing your teeth, shaving, taking a poop-they all require work. So, from now one when someone says they need to go to the restroom, I am going to ask if they have a lazy boy next to their porcelain poop collector.
“I am a firefighter not a collector. Stop drop and rollllll”
Dan Dan Buys a Dog
I bought an English bulldog today for 5 dollars. He’s as white as an old man’s beard, but has the pep of a hopped up candy addict. I bought him from a homeless man while walking down the street away from work. The bum, dressed in worn black and white zebra pants and a 1996 championship Bull’s t-shirt, approached me and said, “I’ll tradeya da mut fo som blow.”...
Dan Dan Goes on a Blind Date: Part 1
For my 28th birthday, I went on a blind date with this chick my friend Dave described as “sarcastic, but sweet.”
Let me tell you, I have never been the dating type. As a result, the attention of females seemed to avoid me, lurking around the corners of high school hallways, waiting in shadowy cubicles. I give off this relationship stench, noxious fumes of despair and apathy brewing in...
“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
– Dr. Seuss
Dan Dan The Business Man Goes to The Bar
“Whiskey Sour please.”
“How sour you like it?”
“Bitter, but I want to feel the burn of the whiskey.”
“What kind of whiskey, sir?”
“Sir, call me Dan. All that sir crap should be left to the formal audiences. Do I look formal to you?”
“Umm well the shirt and tie maybe give you away.”
“You call this formal. More like...
Why I love the Mornin'
I woke today with a Zionist chill,
my heart beating love’s THC
through my veins. Victorious
sun, voluptious breast, Villified
crest washed clean greating me,
Forcing my eyes to follow. i feel
the world with my irises and touch
the earth with my soles. Solitude
of Rasta, preacher calls from the pulpit,
Hallelujahs of Islamic peace, jihads: All
heard, but not all believed, but All
...
Dan Dan The Business Man
Last night I thought about jumping out my office window. I saw some pidgeons flying around and they looked like they were enjoying themselves.
I sat in my Big Four office with Big Four furniture and Big Four titles and awards. I sat amongst forms numbered W-2 to 1040. I couldn’t stand looking at one more deduction or credit or figuring out what benefits Susanne Tomas should recieve (if any)...
Ultimate Spelling Pwn →
“Sometimes I wish we were all illiterate”
Let's Call It Senioritis
I wouldn’t say I have a lack of motivation. I wouldn’t say I am lazy or don’t care. i would say I have moved on from the College Life and want something more. I fill my days with constructive and productive activities, but I am not that into my school work. I’d rather be working out or planning a trip or doing art or reading a book - for fun - or writing. I am just sick of...
Sportmanship Lives →
“half of my friends are half dead. sickness is a bitch”
“The late fox gets the chicken”
Abraham Lincoln Liked Dudes
Abe’s 200th B-day has just passed. He was just ranked # one US President of All Time…so far (The Rankings Don’t Lie). In the most recent CNN pull James Buchanan came in dead last. (Find out why he was the worst Prez ever!) Speculation still surrounds Abraham Lincoln’s relationship he had with a man prior to marrying his beatiful wife. So was the greatest president of all...
Humble Pie
When life gives you lemons You make lemonade, But When life drops on apple From the sky onto your lap You cut that f***** up Dice it, slice it, flambé it Drench it in a sauce Of brown sugar, honey Minced almonds and vanilla, Extracted straight from the bean None of that artificial bull shit You’ve heard of salivating, But Your mouth will cry with Pain. Life’s apples left untouched, Uneaten,...
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality...”
– Dr. Seuss
Gripes dated February 13th, President's Day 2009
Intramural Refs: I have never seen so many blown calls in one game. Seriously, it isn’t that hard to call a shooting foul….seriously. Come on Campus Rec, Hire some people who has actually played a sport in their life. The kid we had last night as a ref didn’t know a foul from a time out. It was sad.
President’s Day: This is a day that we are to honor our greatest leaders....
Game Day Graces
We are all lepers. You, me, your mom, your grandma Winifred. Each of us has a flaw, a mortal, human vice that drags us down, deteriorating our soul and very existence. Today, in church the Father zeroed in on the existence on life and the effects that prayer and faith have. Some dude did this study/experiment where he had people pray for sick people in the hospital. He also left some people...
